Blimey.
I never thought the day would turn out the way it did. All I did was send out
an e-mail and stick a pop-up on the website, telling you where I’d be
and what we’d do if you turned up.
I expected around 11 people. I got 300. You did me proud.
The e-mail had said to meet me at the bottom of Oxford Street, at 2pm, on Saturday 6th December. I asked you to bring two small gifts, and that when I blew a whistle you’d have to run up and give them to a random stranger.
At quarter to two there were
still only a few people. But then, out of nowhere and from every angle,
came joinee after joinee… and then
more still. Teachers, plumbers, kids, lawyers, students, vicars... people
of all ages and from all walks of life. People who'd seen the message,
and driven down from Scotland, or flown in from Ireland. People from Wales,
and all over England. Even a man who'd travelled overnight from Holland
to be there.
I was overwhelmed… especially when I was lifted onto the shoulders
of Joinee Sweeney to address the crowd and saw just how many of you had
turned up. And how enthusiastic you were.
Still more joinees were arriving every minute… stepping off buses and off tube trains, carrying home-made placards and Join Me t-shirts… and – crucially – bearing gifts for the soon-to-be-bewildered people of London…
'Our mission today,' I shouted, 'is to reclaim the streets in the name
of niceness!'. The crowd cheered, deafeningly and for what seemed like
an age, causing traffic to slow, and tourists everywhere to scratch their
heads and take some pictures.
And then we were off.
In a matter of a few minutes, I had gone from standing completely alone, to
leading a crowd of 300 people on a march. And this was a march like no other.
Vast and cheerful, driven on by laughter and friendship, with all humanity
represented. Oh, yes.
After a couple of minutes, I decided it was time for my joinees to hand
out their first present of the day. And so, turning around, I blew my whistle.
The effect was incredible. And hilarious.
People were suddenly running into shops, handing out their gifts, and
running out again. Others were dashing up to random shoppers, delighting
them, and rejoining the march. A group of six joinees jumped on a bus and
gave everyone on the top deck a small gift, to rapturous applause. It seemed
everyone was being rewarded - taxi drivers, shop workers, and even a confused
traffic warden. It was hit 'n' run kindness at its cheekiest.
Onwards we marched, and again I blew the whistle. A cheer made its way
down Oxford Street, and once more joinees ran around, desperately dispensing
gifts.
Small children were given toys, homeless people given scarves and gloves,
shop workers given chocolates, tourists given books and biscuits and
smiles. It
was incredible. We should be very proud to have brought Oxford Street to
a near-standstill – and all without the use of a handgun or bomb
threat.
Soon, though, policemen started to arrive. Never for a moment thinking that so many people would turn up, and because I’m a simpleton, I’d completely forgotten to alert the authorities about what we were doing... six burly policemen asked what was going on and demanded to know whether we had permission to be marching today. They laughed when they were told what we were doing, however, asked us how they could join, and happily turned a blind eye - despite the chaos we were leaving in our wake.
Knowing that at some
point we would have to stop marching, I had enquired about a modest
function room above a nearby pub. The room, I was told, would hold
up to 60 people comfortably. Thinking that would be more than adequate,
I booked it. Ten minutes after the march, however, there were 150
people in there, with a similar amount downstairs, and the pub
next door also benefiting rather handsomely.
So in we went. And I started one of my trademark rubbish speeches. Oh – and because it’s traditional – an acoustic version of the Join Me Song (my thanks to the Official Join Me Band for their efforts to make me sound halfway decent…).
But it was time to say thank you to some of my most dedicated and hard-working joinees… so I annouced the results of the first-ever Join Me Awards…
The jury (me) found the decision-making process a hard one, but the results were well-deserved…
|
MOST
PROMISING NEWCOMER:
INTERNATIONAL
CAMPAIGN OF THE YEAR:
JOINEE
TEAM OF THE YEAR:
JOINEE
AMBASSADOR OF THE YEAR:
LIFETIME
ACHIEVEMENT AWARD:
JOINEE
OF THE YEAR: |
|
But then it was time for ME to be surprised.
I could hear a bit of a commotion on the stairs near my makeshift ‘stage’,
followed by muted cheers and hushed whispers… I was, apparently, about
to welcome a new and special joinee… I wasn’t sure, who, though…
And then he appeared.
The Head Chef of the Madras Valley curryhouse in Camden! The man responsible
for creating the Official Join Me curry – the Chicken Dansak! The man
whose menu had been an incredibly important part of establishing Join Me!
Handing over his passport photo in front of a cheering, wild mob, Joinee Suyebur
Rahman looked a little bewildered – but that didn’t stop him handing
out leaflets for the Madras Valley with a new deal, involving free Chicken
Dansaks! They even say ‘as mentioned in Join Me’!. My thanks to
Joinee Dancin’ Kev of Ireland for inviting Joinee Rahman down…
It was fantastic to meet so many joinees - some of the coolest people I’ve ever met - and to be part of such a ridiculously lovely atmosphere. So lovely that some people got carried away… brand new Joinee Clarke was ‘Golded’ by popular demand after wandering into the pub that afternoon and putting £100 behind the bar, so that anyone wearing a Join Me sticker would get a free pint. He did this not once – but twice! Truly in the spirit of Join Me…
Schoolboy Joinee Ashley Shaw arrived and was Silvered after handing over a piece of paper and some photos – he’d managed to get his entire class to join up!
Thanks to all those joinees
who took the time to speak to any of the journalists present, as well
as the crew from Richard & Judy – who all left
promising to join.
I’d thought it would be silly with so many kindhearted people present not to ruthlessly take advantage of your generosity and drunkenness by raising some money… I’d found out recently that for just £185 you could buy a cow for a family in India… the cow would provide them with enough milk to live off, but they could also sell the extra, as well as the fertiliser the cow would accidentally provide.
I’d wanted to buy one cow. Ninety minutes and one raffle later, we’d raised enough money for 3.7 cows!
|
|
|
My thanks to the following people for signing or donating something: Andrew Collins, Dom Joly, Graham Linehan, Waen Shepherd, Gary Le Strange and – especially – Silver Joinee Milehigh, who donated, as the star prize in the raffle, two return tickets to anywhere in Europe! My thanks to Joinee Milehigh, and congrats to Joinee Newman who won them! Oh, and thanks to Joinees Jonesy and Cobbett, who sold hugs for 50p. Nice!
Here’s what we bought with the money:
ONE COW (large) to be donated to a family who really needs it in India. Fantastic.
ONE NUTRITION KIT – 500 children in areas hit by war or natural disasters won’t now go without food… 500 of them! Nice one, joinees!
ONE FISHING BOAT to be given to a village in India to help them become more self-sufficient. Which is brilliant. A whole fishing boat!
A REVOLVING GOAT – not literally a revolving goat – although I’d pay good money to see that. This is a goat that’s passed from village to village in Africa, making more goats and helping to rebuild damaged communities…
XMAS HAMPERS – some old people in Britain aren’t going to be getting any visitors this Christmas. Well, they are now. Oxfam are going to send FOUR pensioners a huge Christmas hamper packed with not just goodies, but expensive household essentials for comfort and warmth, too.
RANDOM FLOWERS – I picked three random names and addresses of people listed on 192.com from all around the country, and ordered some flowers to be delivered to their house, with the message ‘Happy Christmas from joinees everywhere…’ and then this web address.
WARMING
UP THE HOMELESS – Three guys living
on the streets in London now have gloves, hats and a Thermos
flask each (which, as Joinee Whitby pointed out to me,
they can fill each night at places like Starbucks, who
would otherwise throw the coffee out… but instead
give to people who might need warming up of an evening).
I think that’s absolutely brilliant… we’ve made a lot of people happy… and helped a lot of people to survive. Thousands, in fact. And it’s down to you. Nice one! If you want to do something nice and different, go to www.goodgifts.org and order something!
The night didn’t end at the pub for a lot of people, however. Well done to all those who managed a closing-time trek to Camden to the Madras Valley to buy a Chicken Dansak from one of our newest joinees… and well done to the 42 people who joined me while at Karmageddon… you’re all more than welcome.
Thanks so much if you came…
Until next year…
Danny
PS. You’ll be pleased to know that as a result of Karmageddon 2, we have two brand new celebrity joinees! Please welcome Joinees Finnegan and Madeley – aka Richard & Judy!
Joinee Bond reprises his role as official Join Me security guard. His previous employment as a security guard at Tesco in Preston made him the obvious choice.
The Official Join Me Band – Vis a Vis – provided excellent backing music and supporting vocals… they are legends.
An entire escalator packed with joinees. Every tube stop should have one.
A proud moment for me, despite the slightly feminine bag I’m holding.